Do You Make Them Read Your Mind?

Posted by on Jun 8, 2015 | 2 Comments

Business people shaking hands

I’ve always thought it would be helpful to read minds, then we’d know.  We’d know what people think and not have to worry about the whole assumptions-thing, and could actually deal with what is real.  But since people can’t read our minds, we have to be mindful about sharing what’s going on inside our brains and not assume that they know.

Since people can’t read our minds, we have to be mindful about sharing what’s going on inside our brains and not assume that they know.

A number of years ago I was working with a company in Chicago leading a series of sessions for a group of managers and all their direct reports.  During one of our conversations focused on recognition, a young guy, let’s call him Jeff*, said “You know Kimberly, I got a bonus last quarter and it really made me mad.”  I could see the irritation written all over his face, but couldn’t figure out why in the world someone would be upset about getting a bonus…  As he talked more, it all started to make sense.  You see this company had been going through some very difficult times.  Massive layoffs, a change in leadership, and a multitude of other issues had left the culture in tatters.  Their stock had tanked.  Morale was a mess.  Fear and mistrust were rampant.

Shaking his head in frustration, he said,  “All year long I thought I was going to be the next person riffed. Over half our team got cut!  I kept working harder and harder, but my boss never said anything.  I had no idea that he was happy with my performance until the bonus showed up in my paycheck!  Why didn’t he tell me he thought I was doing a good job?!  Going to work every day has been hell.  Eight months of sheer hell.  If I knew that he was happy with my work it would have made a huge difference.”

It’s easy to see how this can happen.  If we’re to step into his manager’s shoes (the middleman in a train-wreck-culture, who is trying to survive and prove himself like anyone else would be in that environment), we’d probably be focused on the problems that need to be fixed.  We might think to ourselves, “I don’t have to worry about Jeff, because Jeff is doing well.” When bonus time rolled around it would make sense that Jeff would get one.  Jeff should know, we’d think, that he’s doing a good job.  He’s still here after all!

Recognition is one of those things that many leaders consider a nice-to-have.  It often gets a bad wrap with folks who think that it’s all about the numbers and that people with a true high-performance-mindset shouldn’t need it.  But unless these folks are working with computers instead of human beings, they’re sorely mistaken.  Human beings at work need recognition as much as they need a paycheck.  

Human beings at work need recognition as much as they need a paycheck.  

Let’s map this to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

In a culture where there’s as much turmoil as the one I described – in which there are rampant layoffs – people don’t feel safe – which makes up the foundation of our human needs.  When their work group is being decimated and they’re not getting feedback from their boss, they don’t feel like they belong, can’t determine whether they’re achieving, or what their boss thinks about them in terms of reputation.  And what we know from Maslow’s work is that if the more foundational needs aren’t met, then the higher-level needs like growth and fulfillment aren’t even a possibility.

If our more foundational needs aren’t met, then the higher-level needs like growth and fulfillment aren’t even a possibility.

No one can be their best or do their best work in that environment.  If you have a high performer who is still hitting their metrics in the face of these crushing odds, imagine what s/he could do with a little recognition?

Simple acts of recognition would restore their sense of safety, of belonging, let them know they’re on the right track in terms of achievement, that their reputation is in-tact, and allow them to focus on things that are adding more value to the company while experiencing a sense of growth and fulfillment.

Look, I know we’re all doing the best that we can.  Most of us are carrying immense responsibilities and are giving a Herculean effort to get more done in a day than one person should ever have to do.  You are extraordinary.  And there are a whole lotta people in your life – at work, at home, in your community – who are also extraordinary – who need to be seen for the value they bring.  Don’t assume they know.  Tell them.

“What you do matters.  This is why it matters to me….  Thank you.”

Don’t assume people know the value they bring.  Tell them.

You are far more powerful than you know.  It’s amazing the difference a sincere “thank you” can make. If you think someone is doing a good job, don’t make them read your mind.

*All names have been changed to protect those who should’ve been recognized by more than a bonus check.


©OnStage Leadership, 2015

Upcoming sessions of OnStage Leadership:  Dallas – July 7, 2015;  NYC (tbd summer/fall), 2015 (specific dates tbd),  please notify us if interested in participating or being put on the wait-list.

KimberKimberly-Davis-Headshot-20142ly Davis is the Founder/Director of OnStage Leadership, a full-day experiential leadership workshop.  Click here to read what people are saying!  If you’re interested in more information, or in having Kimberly come speak to your group on topics around Authentic Leadership, Influence, Presence, Engagement, Purpose in the workplace, or Presentation Skills we’d love to hear from you!

Did you catch my interview on Voice of America’s Working on Purpose Channel?  If not, you can!  Bringing Our True and Best Selves to Work:  Cultivating Authentic Leadership with Kimberly Davis



  1. Jack Davis
    June 8, 2015

    Thumbs up on today’s Blog.JD

  2. Kimberly
    June 8, 2015

    Thanks, JD! 🙂

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