Time to Refuel
Feeling blue today and while it’s not totally unexpected, it’s a strange feeling, after being on such a high yesterday, watching my OnStage participants do such gorgeous work. I remember when I was doing theatre, the blues would hit the morning after a show closed. At the time I didn’t understand it. I thought there was something wrong with me to feel so sad when we had just celebrated a huge success. Then when I had my events company, I experienced the same thing, soon after the event was over, this engulfing sense of sadness and loss.
As I was able to push aside the shame of feeling so low following the big glorious experiences that marked my life, I started talking to people. It turns out my mother-the-artist feels the same gloominess when she finishes a painting, and my actor friends experience the same thing when a show ends, and Anne Lamott talks about it in her writing, and I’ve speaker-friends who’ve felt this way after they keynote, and trainer-friends too, after they finish a session, and corporate friends following a big launch or presentation.
And now I don’t feel so weird and broken when these feelings pop up as I’ve come to realize that they’re part of being human.
That maybe when we give ourselves fully to something that it’s natural to mourn when it’s over. It’s a letting-go of sorts. And if we’ve played full out, that it is normal to feel empty, because there’s nothing left to give.
So today I type this in my jammies. At 11:00am on a Saturday. Mindful that in order to refill my bucket so I can give it all I’ve got next week, I need to slow down. To remember that I’m not a machine that can keep going-and-going-and-going without taking care of myself.
I love playing full out. There’s nothing more exciting in life than to give it all you got. I want to do that again soon. Just not yet.
Self care is not for wimps, people. It’s a crucial practice if we want to bring our best. The world needs more than our empty-bucket-self. And so do we.
Do you ever experience this? What do you do to refuel?