A New Kind of Leadership

Posted by on Jan 7, 2014 | 3 Comments

bigstock-A-couple-having-an-argument--39412420With her head cocked to the side, her eyes fixed on some mysterious spot on the floor, I couldn’t tell if she was annoyed or just indifferent, but it was clear that she was not a happy person at that moment. I will never forget how Julia appeared on that stage, waiting to begin.  She did not want to be there and made it clear.  The question was, why?  I had done this enough to know that I shouldn’t impose my own meaning on what I was seeing.  When someone is in an uncomfortable situation, it brings out a side that’s hard to interpret if you don’t know the person.  All I knew was, to be in your mid-thirties and already a Senior Vice President of a fairly large organization, is quite a feat.  I was curious to know more.

She didn’t participate much, the morning of the session.  She listened.  Intently.  She didn’t make eye contact, but I could see her wheels spinning.  Questioning.  Debating.  Scrutinizing the conversation in her head.  What was she thinking?  It was hard to know.

During lunch, as we were all sitting around the table, she looked conflicted.  Something was up, and I couldn’t tell what it was.

“Julia?” I asked gently, “are you okay?”

For the first time that day, she looked me right in the eye and, like a release valve going off, said forcefully, “I don’t want to be a leader, if I have to be like the other leaders at my company!”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this same thing or something similar.  Countless.  And it makes sense.  For years and years organizations thrived at the hands of leaders who mastered the ability to command and control.  But it’s a new world and it requires a new kind of leadership.  What worked back then, isn’t having the same result.  Great talent is no longer willing to hang out with bullies in the boardroom in exchange for a paycheck.  They know they have options or can create options.  And they will.  And they do.

The challenge is, with the traditional leadership-mould no longer working, what are leaders to do?  What works?  I would love to tell you that there is a magic pill, or 15-steps that you can memorize to make people want to follow you, but it just doesn’t work that way.  There is no cookie-cutter-approach.  You see, there’s a big difference between “to want to follow” and “to have to follow”.  “To want” indicates choice.  They choose you.  And to choose, comes from the heart.

At the end of the day, a tearful, joyful Julia stood on the stage and shared what she stood for as a leader.  Her own version of leadership.  “I am a leader!” she declared triumphantly, “and this is why….”

One of my favorite quotes:

“You must love those you lead before you can be an effective leader. You can certainly command without that sense of commitment, but you cannot lead without it. And without leadership, command is a hollow experience, a vacuum often filled with mistrust and arrogance.” –  General Eric Shinseki, A 4-star-General who was the Army Chief of Staff from 1999 – 2003, and is the US Secretary for Veterans Affairs

Several weeks later, I received an email from Julia.  She wrote to share a note she had received from a young manager on her team.  A note thanking her for making a difference – for seeing something in him that he hadn’t seen.  “The funny thing is, I didn’t see that in myself, until we met,” Julia said.  “I always thought I was a bad leader, for not being like all the rest.  Now I can see that it’s my differences that are my strengths.  The people on my team know I care and that’s why they let me lead them.”

As you continue on your leadership journey, I encourage you to explore what kind of leader you want to be.  Because if you really want results, it’s going to take a new kind of leadership to make it happen.

©OnStage Leadership, 2013;  Kimberly Davis is the Founder/Director of OnStage Leadership, a full-day experiential leadership workshop.  If you found this helpful, interesting, thought-provoking, or inspiring please “recommend”, “Like” and share.  It is only through your generosity that we can reach those who may find it valuable too.


  1. Cathy
    January 8, 2014

    I loved this one, Kimberly! I had to learn the same lesson, but it was worth it. Nothing substitutes for being you — the real you — in leadership and in life.

  2. Kimberly
    January 8, 2014

    Thanks, Cathy! It can be a painful lesson, can’t it? But it’s so worth making the choice!

  3. OnStage Leadership » Blog Archive Are You Confident? » OnStage Leadership
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